SEEMS LIKE FOREVER

I can't believe it's been 2 months since I visited my blog.  So much of live has changed since then.  I heard in September that my mom was ill with pneumonia but my sister said she didn't want me to visit.   Turns out was just lies by my sister.   Mom had stage 4 lung cancer and my sister who lives next door never even took her to the doctor till she had lost almost 50 pounds.  Then she used her power of attorney and blocked brother and myself from visiting her.  What kind of person leaves their mom to waste away then won't let her see family or friends before she passes?   Turns out its the kind of person that cleans out bank accounts, jewelry and savings bonds while you're lying in hospital dying so it explained a lot.    My mom died November 20 without me ever getting a chance to say good bye.  I know that she can look down now and know that my brother and I wanted to see her but were blocked from doing so.  There is so much more to the story but I won't go into here. 

I have had to pray a lot over this situation.  They say when things get bad you learn what type of christian you are.  I began to realize I wasn't one I wanted to be.  I hated my sister and wished bad things on her.  To do this to a woman then move into her house and claim everything is yours is horrendous.  I keep reminding myself that God takes care of all this and that bad people can triumph in this world because as christinas we trimuph in the next but it's difficult.  How do you lay your head down and sleep knowing you let you mom waste away at home then hid her from everyone once she got medical care?  Then as she lay dying you clean out the bank and house?  How do you go thru each day knowing you cheated your mom and now set up a plan of action to cheat your brother and sister? 

I want to pray she gets a revelation and asks God for forgiveness for what shes done but then I want to pray she's punished and I know that's wrong.  I want to ask God to show her whats she's doing to reminder of family but I want to beat the crap out of her also.  I'm extremely conflicted so at least right now I'm praying God gives me some peace and forgives me the bad thoughts I have every day